Thing #8

Monkeys being monkeys. That’s right. My whole life I’ve coveted monkeys. Wanted one as a pet. Hiked miles into Japanese cedar forests to see them. Let them get in my boat in Nicaragua. But now I see them for what they are: filthy, filthy creatures. But I still love them anyway. Look at this one sitting on the back of a truck in the parking lot of the Peace Corps office. I’ve seen them steal a ladies lunchbag in that same parking lot.


And in Lobatse, they eat out of our friends’ dumpsters. They basically tear the whole place apart and throw trash everywhere. Screaming the whole time and acting vaguely threatening.


In Kanye, a woman came into our social work office because baboons destroyed her house. Or, at least, ate all of the food in her kitchen. Once, I asked a guy in Kanye about the beautiful mango tree in his yard. The tree was fat with bright, red mangos. He just shook his head and muttered something about the baboons. But it’s not all baboons here. We also get vervet monkeys. And if you look really closely at the picture below you’ll see their amazing secret.


The have blue testicles!!!!!!! Who could hate monkeys?


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